New Rules for Driving

Happy Leap Day!

I'm sure you've all heard of 'new math'. I would like to share with you 'new driving'. This is the new rules for the average American driver. Please be sure to follow them to the letter.

1) Always add approximately 20% speed to any posted speed limit. If the sign reads 65, go 80.
2) Not using turn signals: It's not just for old people anymore! Turn signals are neither encouraged, nor required.
3) When a traffic light turns red, you still have about 5-10 seconds to get through the intersection. Everyone knows and expects this.
4) You always have the right of way. It's yours.
5) In cases of inclement weather, always increase speed accordingly. You don't want to be out in that nasty stuff any longer than you have to! Also, be sure to decrease awareness and alertness so the cold doesn't get you.
6) Remember, the roadway is yours. It was built just for you!
7) If you can't be distracted by talking on your cell phone while driving, please seek out another distraction immediately. Try eating or reading.
8) Bob n' Weave: The best way of getting through congested traffic is to bob and weave uncontrollably between every and any open spot between cars, even if your car doesn't fit. Remember: The road is yours, they'll make room, and rule number 2 is also very important here.

If you follow these simples rules, you too can be an average American driver!


Lastly, enjoy this onion.com video which covers some exciting new developments in driving.


Tired Of Traffic? A New DOT Report Urges Drivers: 'Honk'

Old Commercials

Yesterday evening, I was compelled to look up old commercials on youtube. Here are some of my favorites.




I was quite impressed with this one, considering it was made in 1982 and was made without any fancy computer effects.


Poor Sony. At least they got theirs this time.


Huh. This one isn't really that old (2006), but one of the most inappropriate toy guns ever.


The inevitable spoof.

A follow up to my post below.

Paramount silently issued a statement around 1:00am this morning stating their intentions to return to Blu-ray, with their tail tucked between their legs.
I now officially upgrade their status from "filthy sweaty taints" to simply "taints".

Even better than their status upgrade, this means that all 6 major studio's are now with Blu-ray. Let the fun begin.

Paramount = Taints?

Ok, let me start off by saying the information I'm basing this rant off of is totally unproven, and could either be true, or false, but I feel like bitching about it anyway.

For the past 15 months, I've had an addiction. An addiction to the high def format war. Day after day scouring the interwebs, looking for any information about who did what.
Long story short, it ended on Monday.
Toshiba, the daddy of HD DVD called it quits. Universal Pictures, the staunchest supporting studio of HD DVD announced the same day they were going Blu-ray. Most retail stores began clearing out HD DVD products. Hooray! I can stop obsessing and simply start enjoying movies from all the studios in high def!
High 5 Warner Bros.! High 5 Disney, Fox, Sony, Lionsgate, MGM, and Universal! High 5 Para... hey wait. Paramount, where are you? Hey guys? Hello?

A quasi-insider has stated that Paramount, the same studio who mercilessly stabbed Blu-ray in the back last summer and ditched them for HD DVD, the now deceased format, is going to stick with said deceased format for now.
It was long rumored that Toshiba paid Paramount financial incentives to release exclusively on HD DVD for a period of 18 months, and the latest rumor is that Paramount is in no rush to join everyone else on Blu, because so long as they remain HD DVDeceased exclusive, Toshiba still has to pay them monthly installments per their initial contract.
Thats right, they're more concerned with sucking funds from Toshiba for the time being than joining the rest of the ENTIRE fucking industry and moving forward as one cohesive group to insure the proliferation of Blu-ray into the main-stream.
Keep in mind, as I said earlier, this may be entirely false, but it's the latest buzz. For all I know, they could come out tomorrow and say they'll support Blu-ray, but this whole rant is just in response to the current rumors.

So, for the time being, I declare Paramount Pictures filthy, sweaty taints. Paramount, you are indeed the perineum of Hollywood.

When I wake up in the morning...

First of all,
Mike and Mary, I'm sorry to hear about Brandy. She was one of my most favorite dogs ever. My thoughts are with you.

Secondly:

It's 1:12 AM central time, and I'm going to bed. Toshiba is expected to announce at 5PM Japan time (2:00AM) that they are killing off HD DVD for good, recalling all HD DVD hardware for sale, pulling in all movies, letting Paramount and Universal out of their contracts, and sticking a fork in it.

Now, this better be how things played out when I wake up or I'm going to be pissed.
I better not wake up in the morning and they've tried to pull some heroic bullshit.
We shall see.

Update:
Yay! Bye HD DVD. See ya in hell.
Aww crap. No more format war. Now what am I gonna obsess over?

Follow Up: Wal-Mart Delivers HD DVD Gigantic Kick in the Toshiballs

This is a follow up to yesterdays post, and this one is a HUGE kick in the Toshiballs for HD DVD.
In the course of this week, Netflix goes Blu-ray exclusive, Best Buy announces official Blu-ray endorsement and promotion, and now......

WALMART has stated that they are going Blu-ray exclusive. It's over folks.

Holy Sh!t, and Other Musings

Well, I go away for a month and a half, and the whole damn format war nearly ends itself before I have a chance to make commentary! I know a lot of format war followers like to make reference to 'dominoes falling' when referring to successive blows between Blu-ray and HD DVD, but damn, Blu-ray has taken a leaf blower to HD DVD's stack of dominoes.

After Warner Bros. shift to Blu exclusivity was announced, it sent a ripple outward through the entertainment industry. Below is a list of developments which have occurred since the Warnerbomb:

2008-01-04: Warner announce they goes Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-01-08: New Line goes Blu-ray exclusive. 2008-01-09: HBO goes Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-01-11: Constantin Film goes Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-01-14: Digital Playground said they might go Blu-ray exclusive during 2008.
2008-01-16: Senator Home Entertainment goes Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-01-20: R&B Films goes Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-01-21: Trans World, one retailer with more than 800 stores starts to make more room for Blu-ray
2008-01-22: Grant's Appliances, one of the top 30 electronics retailers in the US, goes Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-01-24: SF Film goes Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-01-24: Scanbox goes Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-01-28: Woolworths, one of the bigger retailers in UK with 820 shops, goes Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-01-28: FS-Film have gone Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-01-30: National Geographic have gone Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-01-30: Sonic Solutions goes Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-01-31: Surround Records, former HD-DVD exclusive distributor, goes dual-support.
2008-02-01: Imation stops makeing HD-DVD-R/RW media and goes Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-02-04: BAC Films goes Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-02-04: Manga Films goes Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-02-05: OVA Films goes Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-02-07: Filmmax goes Blu-ray exclusive.
2008-02-11: Netflix goes Blu-ray exclusive. 2008-02-11: Best Buy, the number one retailer of high def media in the US announces that they will only promote, and heavily favor Blu-ray in their stores.
2008-02-12: Spanish film distributor Tripictures goes Blu-ray exlusive
2008-02-12: Scandinavian retailer Hi-Fi Klubben goes Blu-ray exclusive
2008-02-14: Spanish distributor Cameo goes Blu-ray exclusive
2008-02-14: Former HD DVD exclusive indie film company Opus Arte announces support for Blu-ray

I bolded some of the big ones. As you can see, things have begun picking up pace, and barely a day goes by at this point where some announcement of exclusivity or support isn't announced.

Since Warnerbomb, HD DVD has suffered a series of embarrassing losses in both software and hardware. They immediately slashed prices of all HD DVD players in the hopes that it would stimulate their drowning format, but the plan failed. Even with HD DVD players selling for as cheap as $150, the latest numbers for the week of February 10th show Blu-ray grabbed 65% of the stand-alone player market (The week after Warnerbomb Blu sold 85% of all HD players), and this is EXCLUDING the Playstation 3, which by the way outsold the Xbox360 last week in the US.

Aside from 2 weeks ago when HD DVD software had 26% share (fueled by a massive Amazon HD DVD software clearance....er sale) against Blu-ray's 74%, Blu has been in the 80%+ range of all HD software sold since the Warner bomb.

The latest developments came earlier in the week when HD DVD was hit hard in both nuts by Netflix and BestBuy. Netflix, the worlds number one online rental service announced they are going Blu-ray exclusive. Within hours, BestBuy, the number one HD media/hardware seller in the United States announced that their intentions were to heavily promote and recommend Blu-ray as the official HD media of choice in their stores. I truly think the only reason they didn't just come out and say 'exclusive' is because they want to sell through their remaining HD DVD stock before they give them the boot. BestBuy has favored Blu-ray for quite some time, so a press release to re-iterate that fact would be stupid. I think they basically wanted to make their stance official and help to speed along the adoption of Blu-ray without alienating current HD DVD shoppers at their stores.

So now, the industry is standing on one side of the line, impatiently looking at Universal and Paramount who are staring questionably at Toshiba, wondering what to do.
I honestly think this whole HD format battle will be completely over by the summer at the latest.

The latest rumor (From a reliable source no less) is that Toshiba plans to announce HD DVD as a non-viable technology within weeks and halt production. This would free Paramount and Universal from any contractual obligations they may have been toshiba'd into and allow them to join Team Blu (aka: The rest of the entertainment and consumer electronics industry)

Article: Toshiba to drop HD DVD, sources say

In other news. I've been low-carbin' it for about 3 weeks now. All is going well. Lots of pork rinds. Oh the pork rinds, and meat. Cheese. More meat. Yeah.