New Rules for Driving

Happy Leap Day!

I'm sure you've all heard of 'new math'. I would like to share with you 'new driving'. This is the new rules for the average American driver. Please be sure to follow them to the letter.

1) Always add approximately 20% speed to any posted speed limit. If the sign reads 65, go 80.
2) Not using turn signals: It's not just for old people anymore! Turn signals are neither encouraged, nor required.
3) When a traffic light turns red, you still have about 5-10 seconds to get through the intersection. Everyone knows and expects this.
4) You always have the right of way. It's yours.
5) In cases of inclement weather, always increase speed accordingly. You don't want to be out in that nasty stuff any longer than you have to! Also, be sure to decrease awareness and alertness so the cold doesn't get you.
6) Remember, the roadway is yours. It was built just for you!
7) If you can't be distracted by talking on your cell phone while driving, please seek out another distraction immediately. Try eating or reading.
8) Bob n' Weave: The best way of getting through congested traffic is to bob and weave uncontrollably between every and any open spot between cars, even if your car doesn't fit. Remember: The road is yours, they'll make room, and rule number 2 is also very important here.

If you follow these simples rules, you too can be an average American driver!


Lastly, enjoy this onion.com video which covers some exciting new developments in driving.


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